What If No One Notices What You Do?

Stop Living For Approval

Have you ever said to yourself something like, “No one commented on my blog. No one noticed I changed the way I looked. No one saw I fixed a problem.”

And if no one noticed or gave us feedback, do we keep doing it or give up?

Often, we give up or do it with little joy.

Our modern society has trained us to need outside approval. We have become obsessed with being noticed and known because we believe it measures our success.

I know I am not alone in worrying if what I am writing, drawing, or teaching is worth anything when not enough people notice, comment, or approve.

It worries me that it worries me.

We can blame it on social media if we want.

We count how many likes, tweets, friends, and views we have, and that feedback filters back into our self-approval.

No wonder we pay so much attention to our phones, Facebook, and stats. We have become a society of approval seekers.

However, it is not only social media that has pushed us into this epidemic of counting our worth in numbers. We have been trained that way.

At work, we are judged by how much work we can do in one day. Teachers are judged by the numbers their students achieve on tests.

What about the quality of time spent with students? This is not measurable, so it doesn’t count.

Yet, it changes students’ lives.

Most of us have a memory of a teacher who gave us extra time and attention. Not all of us had a chance to say, “Thank you.” Do you think our teachers might have felt unappreciated because we didn’t?

We need to build an internal approval system.

We build it by spending more time on deep thinking and awareness and by placing less value on statistics and ratings.

Nature, as in all things, teaches us the value of expressing who we are without needing feedback.

A tree is a tree. A flower is a flower. We can’t measure their success by numbers.

Will Smith said, “Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people…the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you. And stay.”

Isn’t that a better goal than approval?

We need people who stay because we are being ourselves, doing our own thing, and working hard at our craft.

Just because you want approval doesn’t mean you will get it. Just because someone should be on your side doesn’t mean they will be. Just because you try your best doesn’t mean everyone will see it. But that doesn’t mean you should stop.

If you have a book to write, write it. Share it. Perhaps through email lists and social media, but don’t do it for approval.

Do it because it is what you want to do.

There is another side to this issue. We need to take the time and attention away from our cravings and the need for approval and give it to others.

Let’s notice what other people do and let them know we noticed. Not just the big things, but all the little things, too.

We can ask ourselves, “Am I the friend that stays? Am I the person who people can count on?”

It starts there. Away from our needs and into the care of the welfare of others. We will be happier, and so will they.

Don’t be invisible. Don’t let others feel invisible. Notice something good, and tell people you noticed it.

Not just with social media but personally.

Give a hug, a wink, a smile, a verbal acknowledgment, a note, a letter, or a comment—not because they are demanding approval, but because they, like you, are expressing the gift of themselves.

And then do what you want to do because you want to do it. It feels right because it is what you do and who you are.

That is what counts. That, and only that.

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